I like to think it a success when the cops are called
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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