I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize