You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
