A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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