At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
