so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
