omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
