That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
