What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
