I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
