I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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