I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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