The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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