He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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