bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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