yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
