Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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