College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
