You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
