I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
