matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
