I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
