I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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