I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
