I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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