Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize