My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
