oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Randomize
