she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
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You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
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the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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