Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
