My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize