when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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