Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
