Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
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her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
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My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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