You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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