i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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