oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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