I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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