Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
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She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
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Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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