Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
