found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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