He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My balls are so social today.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
