Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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