can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
