This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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