Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
