i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So much Jack, so little girl.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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