hell yes lets make some ravioli
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
