Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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