how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
His nipple licking is glorious
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