im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
