I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
