I wish I only lived at night.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
