there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
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The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
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By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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