What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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