I just saw a hot homeless man
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
