When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize