Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
