weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
