peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
