Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
