The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
