were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
