so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
